I think the people at my job are trying to kill me. Not metaphorically, I mean I really think they’re trying to injure me. As yet another thing happened yesterday to cause me injury, I reflected on the past little bit to realize that it has happened more often recently. Am I being a conspiracy theorist or do they want to cause me bodily harm? You be the judge.
The first incident happened a couple of months ago. Chelle and I were at work, and had just visited the break room for our mid-morning caffeine fix. (Ok, she got the caffeine, I had my water) and on the way back, I had accidentally locked her out of our part of the building. In my defense, I thought she had her ID badge, and she did not. Whose fault is that? So then I went back to open the door for her, and I could sense she was mad. And by sensed, I mean, she took a swipe at me. I quickly ran down the hall to my desk, and hid behind my cubicle wall. When Michelle made her way down to my desk, Lish had happened to be there, so I got up and stood behind Lish, sort of as a human shield. What happened next is still a blur. Chelle lunged at me from the right side, and I deftly dodged her to the left. I twisted my body in a sort of spin-type move, and escaped her grasp, and got away from them. Unfortunately, my spin move had spun me near her again, and she grabbed at me again. With another daring move, I tried to get away, only to realize that someone (read: me) had left some boxes in my way, which I tripped over and landed on my knee and then kinda somersaulted backwards and landed on my back. My ego and knee were both bruised.
The second incident happened about a week ago. As Chelle was teaching me how to do something on my computer, I (of course) made a wise-crack about something that I now can’t even remember. With one swift movement, she punched me in the face! She claims it was by accident, but I don’t believe that for one bit. My face still hurt three days later. Its not too bad now, but I sometimes still feel the phantom pain of being punched again.
The most recent incident happened just yesterday. There I am, minding my own business, when all of a sudden out of nowhere, a paper plane appears and hits me right in the eye! I look around for the offending party, and there’s Lish, holding her sides from laughing. She could have blinded me! And yet, she laughs. Holding my eye, and the tears in, I tried to laugh it off. I still have problems seeing out of this eye.
Now, call it paranoia if you like, but I feel there’s a pattern here. Someone is trying to get me out of the way. Maybe I know something I shouldn’t; maybe I have something they need. All I know is, I will be watching people around here more closely. Hopefully I haven’t died by the time you read this.
The first incident happened a couple of months ago. Chelle and I were at work, and had just visited the break room for our mid-morning caffeine fix. (Ok, she got the caffeine, I had my water) and on the way back, I had accidentally locked her out of our part of the building. In my defense, I thought she had her ID badge, and she did not. Whose fault is that? So then I went back to open the door for her, and I could sense she was mad. And by sensed, I mean, she took a swipe at me. I quickly ran down the hall to my desk, and hid behind my cubicle wall. When Michelle made her way down to my desk, Lish had happened to be there, so I got up and stood behind Lish, sort of as a human shield. What happened next is still a blur. Chelle lunged at me from the right side, and I deftly dodged her to the left. I twisted my body in a sort of spin-type move, and escaped her grasp, and got away from them. Unfortunately, my spin move had spun me near her again, and she grabbed at me again. With another daring move, I tried to get away, only to realize that someone (read: me) had left some boxes in my way, which I tripped over and landed on my knee and then kinda somersaulted backwards and landed on my back. My ego and knee were both bruised.
The second incident happened about a week ago. As Chelle was teaching me how to do something on my computer, I (of course) made a wise-crack about something that I now can’t even remember. With one swift movement, she punched me in the face! She claims it was by accident, but I don’t believe that for one bit. My face still hurt three days later. Its not too bad now, but I sometimes still feel the phantom pain of being punched again.
The most recent incident happened just yesterday. There I am, minding my own business, when all of a sudden out of nowhere, a paper plane appears and hits me right in the eye! I look around for the offending party, and there’s Lish, holding her sides from laughing. She could have blinded me! And yet, she laughs. Holding my eye, and the tears in, I tried to laugh it off. I still have problems seeing out of this eye.
Now, call it paranoia if you like, but I feel there’s a pattern here. Someone is trying to get me out of the way. Maybe I know something I shouldn’t; maybe I have something they need. All I know is, I will be watching people around here more closely. Hopefully I haven’t died by the time you read this.
5 comments:
You're very accusatory for someone who is constantly poking other people in the eyes!
WELL...to defend myself...you did not accidently lock me out of our part of the building--you did it on purpose!! The look in your eyes when you PULLED the door shut was not look of doing something accidently. Plus I was not mad and I did not take a swipe at you. Oh, and who went running from me and tripped over her own boxes--yep, it was you. (You sure make a lot of things up in your head.) Let's see...what else did you say to try to make others feel bad for you...OH, I did punch you in the face (on complete 100% accident). At that moment, I was trying to strangle you because of your wisecrack. As for Lish, I will defend her too--why did you move into the line of fire. She was only trying to show you that her airplanes fly...I do think it was your fault. Wasn't it the other day...eating lunch when you told Tyler that you have been trying to break your own legs...SIMPLY CRAZY!!!
Why would you try to break your own legs? So you could blame it on someone else? I think this is a clever plot to have an alibi when the time comes. Who are you really after?
Touche, Michelle. Touche.
I think you can beat up anyone at your work. I mean...have you seen the people who work there. You will never die.
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