Tweet Tweet Tweet

Ok, I don’t want to say that I’m lazy, but today’s post is going to be a lazy one on my part. About a year or so ago, I joined Twitter. Originally, I joined for work purposes, but after a few months, I got into tweeting. I never say anything important on Twitter. It’s just a place I like to say random (sometimes funny, mostly weird) things to the 6 friends that I have that follow me on there. I like to think I provide a bright spot in an otherwise dreary day. So what I’ve done here is taken a few tweets that I’ve sent out in the last year, just as a “Hope you laugh at my dumbness” kind of post. Hope you enjoy!

I just had a sip of diet coke, so I should be awake until, oh…tomorrow morning or so.

Pretending to be my mother right now on the phone to get some information. The trickiest part is nailing the German accent.

Rebecca Black has a new single today! Great day, or greatest day?

I got all the way to work before I realized my Chapstick was empty. This will be a tough day.

Car in front of me has “Jimmerd” for a license plate. Is this an expression for getting cut off? Because if so, I totally just got Jimmerd.

If my last name was Crunch, I would absolutely join the army and work my ranking up to Captain.

You know what would be a cool job? Snail herding. So easy – plus, if your little guys make you mad, salt is the cheapest punishment ever.

I didn’t even get a cool bandaid for my shot at the doctors. :(

I ran of Superman bandaids this morning. Now what am I supposed to cover this cut with? Regular bandaids? Please.

I just walked by a guy that is considerable bigger than I, and all I wanted to do was jump onto his back like a spider monkey.

When you think about it, Taylor Swift sure likes to break up relationships.

If I see a generic repair van on the side of the road, should I assume it’s an FBI stakeout and drop by with cookies?

Sometimes, after I pull out the third Starburst, I just want to throw away the whole bag.

I snuck some Cheerios into the theater as a snack. I win, movie theater.

How mad would a biker get if I leaned out my car and pinched his bum? He should accept it as a compliment that I think his calves look nice.

A guy at work has a handkerchief hanging out his back pocket. I want to ask him if he’s a Jet or a Shark.

Full disclosure: I never eat the recommended serving size of cereal, I always eat a little more.

So there you are. Twitter is a fun way to communicate with people all over the world (Except most of my people are within about 50 miles of me) and it’s a great way to waste time. I love that you can follow celebrities on it, and get to know a little bit more about them, because some of them are genuinely funny outside of their movies (and some are incredibly boring, but that’s neither here nor there).

And now, this brings us to the last day of the month. I hope everyone enjoyed my blog-a-day, and if not, suck it, you didn’t have to read all of these. But I will be keeping up the blogging, just not every day, of course. Just when something happens that I can legitimately write about, so you don’t get stuck reading about my cookie cutters in the dishwasher. In a related item, I counted all of my cookie cutters yesterday.

I’m missing 3.